Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Five verbal assaults from my offspring

"Here comes the fat doctor." In reference to the overweight pediatrician in our practice. I'm pretty sure the boys didn't need shots that day, but they got 'em.

"Are you a man or woman?" Asked while at the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts. I was scared to drink my coffee.

"He's the oldest person here so he's going to die first." Not a threat issued to my 84-year-old grandfather, just a statement of fact.

"It's Mr. Old Creepy!" Literally shouted as my neighbor walked down our street. He's really not old or creepy. I was considering shouting happily, "Good job remembering that line from Scooby Doo!" and giving a jaunty wave. Instead I kind of hid.

"Are you growing another baby? Because your tummy looks big." Directed to me, as I sat like a slug on the couch. Thanks a lot, kid.