Complete or Compete: My Triathlon Tension

300m

I have this skewed image of athletic self. I usually think I'm a bad-ass. Yesterday I just felt like an ass.

I'm so excited to be training for my first triathlon in over ten years, but I'm also depressed. I'm excited because a part of me will be so proud to complete the event. But another part of me can't help feeling competitive and I want to finish with a decent time. I want to race.

It's scary and fun to be pushing myself to try new things, like swimming and bike riding, but it's also humbling and frustrating when I realize I'm actually pretty bad at those activities.

This weekend I completed my first two brick training sessions. A brick is when you do two types of workouts in one session. On Saturday, I ran 1.5 miles to our community pool, swam 400m (8 laps) and ran 1.5 miles home. Sunday, I picked up a friend and we biked approximately 30 min and ran about 25 minutes. I'm f-ing tired.

8 miles

On my swim, I messed up my breathing and had to stand at one point, my goggles were wonky for at least one lap, and my swim cap almost came off. When I swim I bet I look like Elaine dancing. My legs drag and my head pops out of the water.

Sunday was my first real biking workout. I love my bike but I am embarrassed that its a hybrid instead of a road bike. I tried a road bike at a friend's house but was scared riding with my body pitched forward. So I bought the hybrid. When I'm on it I know I'm not as cool as the road biking crowd. I get angry at myself and my bike. Since I anthropomorphize inanimate objects,  I feel guilty that I get angry at my poor bike. On the ride I made the chain fall off. I'm not precisely sure what I did wrong since I have a very basic and limited understanding of how gears and a derailer work. I hooked the chain back on but the bike wouldn't stop clicking even though I shifted up and down. It just clicked and clicked so I gave up. I didn't want to ruin my brand new bike because I'm an ignorant biker.

5K

We finished up the workout with running. I always thought this was my strength but running with my friend was just plain tough. She's fast and strong and I felt tired and weak. I felt beat up. While I was really happy to be working out with someone (because I'm a social person) I felt like I was starting from scratch!  

I don't want to just finish this triathlon. I want to finish strong. I have a long way to go.