Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Better to have loved and lost?

What's not to love?
"Why is this a song about love?" My five year old asked after hearing only the first few measures of the song playing on my iPhone. He sat across the table from me, coloring a dinosaur while I wrote in my journal. I smiled because I'm always amazed at how he can sense the mood of music so quickly.

When I write, I love to use music to evoke feelings in my heart and mind and then I write those feelings into my stories. On this day, I was writing about the exciting uncertainty of potential love, and had chosen Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter."

I didn't answer his stated question, because that wasn't what he was asking. I knew he really meant, "What is falling in love about?"

I told him, "The singer is talking about seeing a woman he thinks is beautiful and when he gets to know her, he learns he loves her."

I couldn't help planting the seeds of how I hope my son will see women and treat them.

"Do you already know who I will love?" he asked me, confident that Mommy knew the answer but also concerned, not entirely convinced he wanted me to resolve this issue for him so soon. Was he allowed to find his soulmate?

"No, I don't," I replied. "You'll have to find the person you love."

"What will happen when I fall in love?" he asked. He often worries about his unknown future. Do your kids do this, too? My eight year old is worried about college and walking to class on his own. He wanted to know if I'll walk him on the first day.

"Oh, well," I paused, and looked up from my journal at my small boy. "Well, you'll meet someone, when you're older. You'll discover you love her and you'll bring her home to meet me. You'll say, 'Mommy, this is the person I love.'"

I had to stop speaking because my throat had tightened and my eyes filled with tears just imagining how happy I will be when I see my son in love. My son, my son in love. I couldn't speak.

But this child of mine is never content with the easy way and frankly it's not easy for him to be happy or satisfied. He knows there is another side to the coin.He pushes past comfort and explores disruption, disorder, even agony.

"But what if two people love the same girl?" he asked me. "She'd have to pick." He looked me straight in the eye, too worried to ask the next question I knew he was thinking.